Don't tell me we fight. I try to get along.
You can't just say whatever comes to mind.
You were horrible. That shit about the roadies...
You hit below the belt yourself, Jan, and you started it.
No cheese for Sophia.
Those kids seem to like you, sort of.
I leave them completely free to do whatever they want.
How else are they gonna learn from their mistakes?
Anyway, thank you for having us over.
What's this you're watching?
Beethoven.
- Can we get a dog? - Please?
I'll walk him, and I'll pick up the poo and pee.
Pee? Right. Start with your underwear.
We had a dog, remember? Tippy?
He got worms though, had to move to the country.
Tippy was gassed, Tony. Daddy took him to the pound.
He used to drag his ass on the carpet just to scratch himself.
- My mother went crazy. - Gassed?
And he's so cynical about everything else.
Father told me he took him to live on a farm.
That's what they always say. That same farm must have 17 billion dogs on it.
Dogshit up to the rafters.
What? Oh, no, that's terrible.
- What? What's the matter? - It's Cousin Josephine. Aunt Concett' died.
- What happened? - They think it was a heart attack.
Uncle Zio found her on the couch after Meet The Press.
We hereby commend Concetta to the Lord
embraced in His divine goodness.
- Let us go in peace. Amen. - Amen.
Listen, as long as we're here
I was gonna go visit my father.
Like to join me?
Five hours, they let me out for these funerals. I gotta spend it bein' maudlin?
It's a beautiful day.
I thought you might wanna pay your respects to your brother.
By crying to a chunk of marble?
I can pay my respects from the after-party.
After-party?
It's those uptake inhibitors. We were sceptical at first, then his mood improved.
His memory, too.
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Hi.
- Oh, hello. - You knew my mother?
You're Anthony. Oh, my God.
- Do I know you? - Oh, no.
- No, no, you're not annoying me. - No, no... Do we know each other?
Oh, we met once.
I was a friend of your father's.
You're the lady from Bamberger's... from the fur department.
- Fran Felstein. - Tony.
How you doin'?
So what, you... You come visit?
I miss your father sometimes. It's...
It's foolish.
Nah, don't say that.
No, I was sorry to hear about your mother.
At least she didn't suffer.
She made all of us suffer instead.
Oh, it was a joke. She made all of us suffer.
Believe me, I heard the stories from your dad.
You must forgive me. My hearing... the last few years...
How about a hearin' aid? They're little now. You can't see 'em.
I'm too vain. Anyway... Johnny was very proud of you.
You were very special to him.
I'm sure you were too.
Johnny told me if I ever needed anything I should always call his son.
What do you need?
Not a thing.
Fran Felstein?
- That was class. - She's got great legs for an old broad.
I was in love with that woman.
She was the reason I never married. I wanted to propose.
- I had the ring all picked out. - So what? She turned you down?
I hesitated. How could I bring this life we live on a woman?
Anyway, she took it as a sign I wasn't interested.
Then one night we were all at the 500 Club to see Enzo Stuarti. Your father shows up.
Sy Devore suit, two-inch lapel - that was that.
She never knew my feelings. What could I do?
For years, I suffered in silence.
Mario, did you bring your guitar?
Not to this.
- Angie, come on. Sing us a song. - You sing, Junior.
Nobody wants to hear me.
Mario, remember?
Thanks, my name's JT. I'm an alcoholic and an addict.
Hi, JT.
I'm also a TV writer which, by default, makes me a douche bag,
but you would've figured that out for yourselves.
About 15 years ago, I moved from Jersey to Hollywood
broke into the biz.
It was a dream come true. I had money,
I had the Beemer, the actress girlfriend.
Best of all, I had all the flake I needed to keep me churning out that snappy dialogue.
Drugs, alcohol - that shit practically comes with the Writers' Guild card.
Anyway,
before too long, I discovered heroin.
Then things really started to fall apart.
It got so bad that I blew a deadline on a Nash Bridges.
I got my ass fired. I didn't work for 18 months.
By the grace of God, I got myself into a rehab programme in Pennsylvania
and, with the help of some good friends that I made there, I got through it.
Chris, where are you? There's my man Chris, everybody.
Anyway, I wanna talk a little bit about takin' a moral inventory.
So we talked for, like, an hour.
Well, it turns out that they had a thing, her and my old man. Right up till he died.
He got from this woman what he couldn't get at home.
Support...
You know, love.
A smile when you walk in the fuckin' door.
Do you think that justifies his infidelity?
She drove him into that woman's arms, my mother. To all his women.
I'll tell you one thing. Over the years he was rottin' in that grave
I can't remember once my mother goin' to visit him.
But this lady, Fran...
It's possible your mother found it very painful.
- Oh, poor her. - What was it like sitting there with Fran?
A little weird at first...
Here I am comforting my father's mistress. My mother's lyin' there, dead.
- Are you attracted to her? - She's old enough to be my mother!
Oh, Jesus Christ, it's an expression.
Don't cream yourself. I did not want to fuck my mother!
You should've seen her in her hairnet. This conversation'd be over in two seconds.
So, I figured, why not move back to Jersey?
Clean slate. It's better.
My new agent? Next week, he's got me set up to meet Dick Wolf's guy.
I seen Dick Wolf at Rao's one night.
Guy's got his own limo.
That Law And Order money? The guy could have his own battleship.
But, enough of my shit. How are you doin'?
Good, you know.
Workin' the programme.
I had some fuckin' wine, all right? Is that what you wanna hear?
- Christopher, when was this? - I don't know. My fiancée was in a car crash.
I didn't even like it. I went to a meeting the next day.
But no slip since then?
I've been sober and I've been high. Sober's better.
- You know you can call me any time? - What? You got a date?
I gotta meet somebody, a friend.
- Go ahead, I'll get this. - Thanks, bro.
Listen, call me. I'm serious.
- Harold Melvoin. - Mel, it's me.
- Corrado, what's up? - There's a funeral I need to attend.
I want you to call the feds.
Vincent Patronella.
Is he a relative? You know the rules.
He's my niece's godfather. I think I met him at a barbecue for the bicentennial.
All they can say is no.
Your father used to bring me flowers all the time - flowers and lingerie.
I'm making chicken, Cuban style with black beans.
What's this?
Ketchup? Sure. If you want.
No, the kid and the dog.
My son, Bruce.
He married an Israeli girl. He's a food service director with El Al.
- No, no, no, the dog. - Oh, Freckles?
- He was a gift from your dad. - What?
Aw, when?
Oh, this is my fuckin' dog!
Excuse me, I'm sorry. This was my dog! His name was Tippy!
Your dad never said.
I don't fuckin' believe this.
My mother made him give the dog away.
Well, Bruce loved him.
He had him for almost ten years, till he moved to Tel Aviv.
Then I had to put him to sleep.
Those are the pictures, on the coffee table.
The slippers were your dad's, too.
Look at this. The two of you.
He used to remind me of Victor Mature.
Outside the Latin Quarter.
- Holy shit, look at Hesh. George Gershwin. - He was a whoremaster, and cheap.
He screwed me out of my retirement money.
Against your dad's wishes, by the way.
- What are you talkin' about? - Don't get me started.
- Come on, what happened? - Your dad owned a racetrack.
With the midget auto racing.
The Chickamauga Raceway over in New Egypt.
Him, Herman, some other guy...
- Phil something. With the hair, from New York. - Leotardo.
My father cut him in to pay off a poker debt.
Johnny always told me his piece would go to me.
Couldn't put me in his will, obviously.
When he passed, your dad...
I called Hesh.
He sent me 500 bucks.
That's it?
I'm sorry.
Jesus Christ, I wish you'd called me.
- Bruce sends me money occasionally. - That's not the point. It's my father's wishes.
Look, forget it. Seriously, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have even brought it up.
Listen, after we eat, you wanna take a ride?
So I saw my Uncle Jun'.
- He says to say hello. - Junior?
Jesus. How's he doing?
I don't know if you know it, but he was always a little hot for you.
He was practically a stalker.
- He said he suffered in silence. - Suffered in silence?
He used to skulk outside my building, all hours.
Weird phone calls. I always had a hunch he told Livia about me and Johnny.
Jesus Christ.
She was a handsome woman, your mother.
Not sexy, exactly, but statuesque.
Little nip?
- What is it? - One for the road, honey.
And this looks like road to me.
Rémy Martin, VSOP.
They can't be making much, but if I know Hesh
him and Phil got something going on here.
So, tell me about your women.
Your wife, what's she like?
I don't know. What's to tell?
Good woman, good mother.
Marriage hit the rocks, that's all. What are you gonna do?
How about your girlfriend?
She's an art dealer. Very sophisticated.
Dark hair, dark eyes. She's Latin.
You know, from Spain.
That's it.
Oh, man, I'm so glad you called. I really needed this.
- So? - So, what?
There's nothing you wanna talk about?
I was honest with you the other night.
- You're telling me you're not using? - What?
You ran out of IHOP like you were on fire and jonesing like a motherfucker.
I was going with a girl to the track. The Meadowlands.
I didn't wanna miss the last race.
I am totally clean and sober.
Jesus Christ. I was positive you fucking slipped.
Thank you, man. I appreciate your concern.
I could have saved you a trip. I'll take your action.
You take a dime each on the Yankees and St. Louis?
Whoa, high roller.
I just got a three grand residual on a That's Life episode.
What, that fake guinea-fest with Paul Sorvino?
That was totally unrealistic.
So dusty here.
- That silk? - It ain't Kleenex. It's linen.
You know, you're very...
I don't know, you got a lot of class.
Just like your girlfriend.
He told me to look out for her so I sent her some money. No one else did.
- So you keep his end for yourself?
I should give it to some trollop? Besides, I thought I had it coming.
With Leotardo in the can, who's been running that place, huh?
Collecting the rent, filing the taxes, all that?
What about my share? All those years, I never saw a dime.
You're my father's friend, Hesh. My friend!
- So how come I never see you? - What?
I see you. I'm fucking busy.
Never too busy to call me at two am to hear your problems.
One time, that happened. My therapist was on vacation.
You want his end, kid, you got it. It's 25 per cent. The closing is not for two weeks.
And I would appreciate it if you tell Leotardo he should assume part of that burden.
Well, despite how you feel, my father loved this woman.
She's not such a bad person, but I don't know.
Something about her always rubbed me the wrong way.
- Maybe cos she was rubbing him and not you. - How long you know me, bub, huh?
She's a little pale for my taste.
Mr Patronella was last week. This is a different one.
Yes, I'm aware he's been to two funerals in a month.
Well, people die, Counselor.
The deceased in question now, Mrs Crilley,
was the sister of Mr Soprano's cousin.
By marriage.
So she's not a blood relative per se.
For God's sake, the man wants to pay his respects.
Well, perhaps my next call should be to Judge Runions.
Five hours, it's not a Hawaiian vacation.
He'll attend the church service then pay his respects to the family.
Thank you, Counselor. We appreciate it.
You're worth every fucking cent!
They're gonna have Scottish bagpipes at the funeral.
It should be interesting.
Don Provolone. See that fucking game?
- Diet Coke and whatever he's having. - Ginger ale?
- Remind me to send Jeter a dozen roses. - You wanna parlay it?
I was thinking I'd check out that Indian casino, play some poker.
You want in a real game, I'll hook you up.
High stakes, exclusive clientele.
- David Lee Roth. - I'll tell you, man.
Playing cards, games of chance, I never really dug it before.
I was never that good at math. But there's something about that excitement that's so...
I don't know.
What is wrong? I win a bet, you look like you're gonna cry.
I fucked up again.
My super came by this morning to fucking caulk around the toilet.
- He had some weed. - You have got to call someone
before you use, not after.
I know, I know. I just wanted to see if I could get high like a normal person.
You're not normal. Neither of us are.
On top of that, you ask me to meet you at a bar?
Come here, you maniac.
625K for the track plus all that land? That's it?
Zoning restrictions. We're lucky we got a buyer at all.
Here's what I propose...
Tony gets 150.
25 per cent comes from you, the other 75 per cent of that comes from Hesh.
That's 40 grand. You gotta be fucking kidding me, John.
Am I smiling?
You got some balls, kid, I'll give you that.
- You'll give me what I tell you to. - Whoa.
- Take it easy. - Fuck that!
This ain't the '70s. And I'm not a kid.
- Relax, it's an expression. - Here's another one.
You got five days to give me my money.
Come on.
- That was out of line. - Philly, he's a boss.
Jersey? Come on, huh?
Well, I talked to Phil and Hesh about the racetrack.
How bad did they bullshit you?
Actually, we straightened it all out.
So when the sale goes through, you're looking at a nice piece of change.
You're kidding?
Hey, that's wonderful.
I wanted to show you something.
You were admiring my handkerchief.
Check out the initials.
JFK? Holy shit! This was his?
You know, I have a hat of his.
A captain's hat I bought at an auction.
A lot of the friends don't like him, you know, Ruby and all that shit.
- But, fuck, I was in grammar school. - That's my lipstick.
We had a little thing.
- When he was president? - March '61.
Right before the Bay of Pigs.
I was at the Copa with a girlfriend.
I'm wearing a new sable and we meet Lem Billings.
Now, Lem is a school friend of Jack's from Choate, but of course we had no idea.
He insists that we join him for some affair at the Pierre Hotel.
He won't take no.
He has a limo, we figure, "What the hell?"
We go over and he tells us
he's taking us to the presidential suite.
So we get up, out of the elevator.
We go in the suite. It is crawling with models, celebrities.
Peter Lawford, Sinatra.
- Jackie Gleason. - No shit!
I'm looking around and I glance across the room
and, suddenly, I am locking eyes
with John Fitzgerald Kennedy.
Yeah, he comes over. He is a perfect gentleman.
He takes my coat, he brings me a cocktail, introduces me around.
Finally, at the end of the night, and get this.
In the interests of national security, he says
he needs me to stay.
Since I'm wearing a sable, he needs to personally interview me.
Make sure I'm not working for the Russians.
- He said that? - Some line, huh?
- What was he like? - Wonderful.
- So were you two an item? - No. He called.
But after all, this man was the leader of the free world. I mean, you know...
One weekend, I was supposed to go down to DC, stay at the Ritz-Carlton.
Last minute, emergency meeting.
- Steel workers are going on strike. - So it was just that one time?
You know, after the Bay of Pigs, he was probably pretty busy.
Yeah, I knew there were others.
Judy Campbell and Marilyn, of course.
We had something special, though. Crazy passion.
That was something your mother never understood.
When you're married to a powerful man
you damn well better make him feel powerful.
My mother?
Please.
I saw a picture of Livia on New Year's Eve.
She was dressed like a refugee.
I think I'm going to skip the coffee. I got a meeting in the city.
Are you sure?
Look...
Consider this an advance.
Get your phone turned on and pay your rent.
Your dad would be so proud.
He raised a real gentleman.
You trying to buy this pot?
800 and you'll know.
What the fuck.
Cowboys and three little Indians.
Fuck me!
I got a lot of big people coming next week.
So when you write on TV, what do they have -
like one guy writes the words for Dylan McDermott
and one guy writes for Nicholson's girlfriend?
- You write it all yourself. - Oh, interesting.
So how you doing? You wanna take off?
I'm getting killed here.
I'm gonna go. I'm fucking shot.
- I'll call you tomorrow. You wanna work out? - Sure, yeah, whatever.
Four of clubs to Joe Hollywood, jack for the car-wash king.
Ten for Mr Vito.
Show Valentina you love her!
They were out of the Citrucel.
- Where are you going? - Gotta order some flowers.
Sal from the dry-cleaner, his kid died.
Drowned in a Jacuzzi. Seven years old, you believe it?
Fucking tragedy.
- Harold Melvoin. - It's me. I got another funeral. A kid.
His father does my shirts.
- It has to be a relative. - It is a relative, goddamn it!
My old man came over with his great-great-grandfather.
- Guy had a club foot. - Isn't that rather tenuous?
The whole village of Avellino settled in this area. We gotta be related.
- Corrado... - Corrado, my balls!
I've gotta get out of here. I'm going stir-crazy.
7th Street coming out.
Holy shit. You're still here?
- Called you all day. - We're in a hand here.
- What do you wanna do? - Fold.
Here, fuck it. I'm all in.
- Call. - Pair of tens.
Flush. Caught it on the river.
Motherfucking...
fuck!
How bad?
- He owes the house 57. - Thousand?
- What are you? Fucking crazy? - Define crazy.
I'm good for it. I'm up for this Dick Wolf thing. If I get on staff, it's a month's salary.
Well, how about this fucking month?
You think you could spot me for a while?
I got some child support, too.
I'll cover this, give you three grand for incidentals. That's 60,000 altogether.
- I've only been up two days. I can still add. - Good. Then add two points every week
- till I'm paid in full. - You're charging me vig?
On top of the principal. It's compounded if you're late. That's 1200 one week from today.
Don't give me that look. This is your problem.
I will not fucking enable you.
There he is! Philly!
- Phil, where you going? - I gotta meet John at the restaurant.
You fucking cocksucker!
Where you gonna go, huh? Where you gonna go?
Motherfucker!
Jesus Christ. Mister, you OK in there?
- Oh, my neck! - You all right?
You run from me, you cocksucker?
Where's my fucking money?
I'll get it. I'll get it. My neck, Tony.
- What? Do you think I'm an asshole? - No.
- I can't hear you. - No, no. Please, Tony.
You got 24 hours.
I called 911. They're on their way. He's all right.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my baby. - Take her upstairs, Andy.
My baby...
She should take one of those tranquillizers her mother gave her.
- We should go. - Relax, we just got here.
Chicken's nice and spicy, huh?
I know you're in there. You're casting a shadow over the peephole.
What? Are you ducking me?
I thought you were this girl. She's a pain in the ass.
What the fuck? Where you been?
Working, man. I got those TV pitch meetings.
- I was gonna call you. - Yeah, so why didn't you?
All right, look. You want the truth? I was away. I went to AC.
- Where's my money? - I don't have it yet.
But you went to AC.
I have a meeting next week with Rene Balcer.
Dick Wolf's right-hand guy. He likes my stuff. He told my agent. I'm gonna be on staff.
I got out of that business cos people fuck you over.
Jon Favreau? Faggot cocksucker tried to steal my ideas.
I swear on all that's holy. I'll have your money next week.
That wasn't the deal! I'll be back tomorrow. Don't make me a jerkoff.
Damn, I'm happy. Get a load of these.
My new kicks. Bottega Veneta, marked down to only 600.
- Thought you were paying your phone bill. - Oh, I should've, I know.
But it's been so long since I've been able to treat myself.
Oh, thanks.
So, turns out my Uncle Zio's going downhill.
The day we met, I told you we were at the cemetery to bury his wife, my Aunt Concetta.
70 years, they were together.
Poor guy's taking it very hard.
Oh! My knight in shining armour!
So?
- Good morning to you, too. - You got it?
Jesus, you are a fucking trip.
I'm JT by the way.
What is this? Pulp Fiction? Am I supposed to be afraid?
I don't know. I didn't see it.
You're really being a prick. I told you, I need more time.
- I don't have the money. - Get it.
You know me. What could you do to me that I haven't already been through?
I'm positive we'll think of something.
And 66 years after taking those sacred vows, "till death do us part",
Concetta left him and went home to God.
In the two weeks that followed, Nicolo struggled without her,
finally succumbing to irredeemable loss.
The enormity of his grief
can hardly be imagined.
How much they went through together -
seeing their children grow
and looking joyfully on as their grandchildren had children.
Sickness and health,
good times and bad
but through it all, one thing remained constant.
They had each other.
It was Nicolo's love for Concetta that made him leave this earth
a mere 15 days after she left him.
We take comfort knowing they're together again,
seated at the foot of our Lord.
Let us join together in prayer.
Hail, Mary, full of Grace,
the Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou among women
and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death, amen.
- Junior, what's the matter? - Oh, this fucking shit!
What's the point?
- Shh, Uncle Junior. - I can't take it any more!
You need to lower your voice. Come on.
And forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
It's a fucking Emmy.
It's gold-plated.
Then melt it down, man.
Look, I told you $15.
Fuck, man, come on!
This is like, huge, this shit.
If you had an Oscar, maybe I could give you something.
An Academy Award. But TV?
- What else you got? - I don't know.
I got a laptop in my car.
Yeah, OK, cool. I'll check that out.
From your friend. All 1200.
- He gave you a hard time? - Hardest thing was keeping him awake.
- He's hitting the vein. Nodding out. - Son of a fucking bitch.
Cheers.
I'm grilling us some filet mignon.
And you, take a load off.
This is the money from the closing of the racetrack.
- It's 150 grand. - That's great.
- How's your pal, Hesh? - Good.
I remember once, your dad and I drove down the shore.
Hesh had rented a place at Point Pleasant. It was right before Labor Day.
Actually, it was a couple of months before he died. We stopped at a liquor store.
He had to pee, I needed some cigarettes.
And anyway, the man behind the counter was blind.
- Your dad looks at him... - Wait a minute.
- This is after my dad got sick? - Yeah.
My dad caught emphysema and you kept smoking?
- He didn't mind. - He could barely breathe.
We had the oxygen tent set up right in the house. Jesus, even my mother quit.
I offered to stop. He didn't want me to. He was fine with it, really.
All right, whatever. Finish your story.
It was dumb. Your dad got the guy to give us some champagne.
Water chestnuts
wrapped in bacon.
And dip them in the duck sauce.
All right.
Delicious.
So, what's in the bag?
Yeah, I wanted to show you this.
It's the hat I told you about.
- JFK's. - Oh, my goodness.
Look at this.
- May I? - Yeah
I met with the Dick Wolf guy.
They hired some kid from Yale.
Plus, now the money I owe you
my ex-fucking-wife...
How many times have you shot up?
Five, six.
I thought I had it under control. I lost it.
You stupid fuck.
- You were doing so good. Now you fucked up. - Where do you get the right?
We're in the programme. Why didn't you call your sponsor?
- I couldn't get him. - So why didn't you call me?
Yeah, but I don't fucking live with my mistress.
I mean, his fucking slippers?
Go on.
Well, when I left there, I...
started thinking about it.
When I was, I don't know, 16 years old -
my son's age -
I came home from school to find a note from my Aunt Quin.
My mother had been pregnant with another kid after my sister Barbara.
Change-of-life baby, they called it and...
Well, she started bleeding.
I was supposed get my father over there ASAP.
I called every number I had. I left messages all over town.
And finally, that night, about ten o'clock,
he called me back.
- Hello? - Anthony, what's the matter?
Ma's in the hospital.
I think she was bleeding. The baby.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, shit!
- OK, pal. - The lamb chops are gonna be overcooked.
I'm tied up, but I'm gonna get over to the hospital right away.
He came and got me the next morning.
We went over to the hospital,
walked into her room.
- You're OK, baby, you're OK. - No, you're OK!
Your life is just so wonderful and OK!
Lee...
Where were you last night?
I was at the Yankee game.
You were with that whore.
- What do you take me for? An idiot? - No, Lee, that's not true!
I picked up Anthony from school, we went to the game!
- Nicky gave us the tickets. - You're a goddam liar.
I swear to God, Lee, the car broke down!
The timing belt! We had to stay at Cousin Jimmy's.
Madonn', when we got home and saw that note, I was worried sick.
Ask Anthony, you don't believe me.
Where were you last night, Anthony?
We were at Cousin Jimmy's, Ma.
She could've fucking died
from a miscarriage.
- Fuck her. - Was there any blame on his part?
This man you emulate?
The lies? The betrayals with other women?
Listen to me.
This is very important. Your mother had her faults, but after all this time
what should we do with the old woman?
Have an auto-da-fé?
Burn her at the stake?
You need to forgive her and move on.
She made my father give my dog away.
I thought your father was a big, tough guy.
Probably didn't want to hear her bullshit any more.
He gave my dog away to his girlfriend's kid. Big deal.
If it was up to her,
she woulda had it killed.
All right, thanks.
Book value's 17 grand. I'll knock that off the principal.
I fucking loved this car.
So you'll get another one.
Is that your sponsor?
I'll see you when you get out of rehab. We'll figure out the rest of the payments.
You can do this, man. I have faith in you.
There's no chemical solution to a spiritual problem.
It could've been another TIA. It's hard to tell.
Was any of this accompanied by a lapse in memory?
I don't know.
Had you brought him earlier I might have more answers.
That medicine stopped working.
I took more and it didn't do shit.
- I'm the walking dead. - Medication's like cooking.
We may need to adjust the ingredients.
Who gives a shit? I'm so fucking blue.
What do you expect? All you do is go to funerals all the time.
I'm trapped. What's the goddamn point?
Goddamn house arrest.
My life is only death.
I'm living in a grave.
I beat prison and for what?
I have no children.
Would somebody please explain this?
So, Hesh tells me you met your dad's goomah.
You had to see this woman in her prime.
- Nice, huh? - Nice?
- She was JFK's girlfriend for three years. - No shit!
- I remember hearing about her. - Fucking knockout. Beautiful, classy.
JFK, huh? How do you like that?
He had her up to the White House on the weekends, when his wife was away.
This woman was like a... like a princess.
I'll tell you what.
For a while there, Jackie Kennedy thought the marriage was over.
English
Look at this.
The house sang out to us of Miami and Taormina
where we had our honeymoon - Nicole said, "Let's buy it."
Can just about smell the salt.
You mean the painting or the view?
Both.
That's called the trumpay la oil.
Fool the eye. It was done by an artist right here in West Hempstead.
I'll be damned.
Follow me, Jerry.
This little bitch is for you.
It's a Whirlpool Duet, top of the line.
Same as mine. Nicole is head over heels with it.
This is above and beyond, Carmine.
Thank my father too, may he rest in peace.
This is for Freeport. It's a token.
You know it's my understanding, Carmine, that Johnny is still sore about that.
That's why I appreciate your support. I'm moved up here now.
You and me are gonna do great things together.
Amen.
Daddy, Daddy! The boat is sinking!
Carmine! My God!
I just sailed her up from Miami three weeks ago. She was fine.
You should call the coastguard, Carmine.
Oh, shit!
It's OK, take it easy.
After all these years of marriage,
you know what you find yourself thinking in your private moments?
Please, God, let me die first.
I don't wanna miss him.
He's gonna be all right.
You're lucky.
In some way, you've been spared that.
Well, you and Tony calling it quits now.
Maybe we should cancel the party.
Maybe he'll be fine by his birthday.
You know he's turning 75, Ma, that's a milestone.
He's got some bruising. He's very lucky.
Those hedges broke his fall. But a few days of rest and he should be fine.
The neurologist is giving him a final look, then you can take him home.
- Thank you so much, Doctor. - Thank God.
His roofing days are over, I'll tell you that right now.
I guess.
So, what do you think about the party?
Jeez, Ma, I...
I think we should go for it.
Well, what do you think about inviting Tony?
Well, that's the thing. I don't know if I should or not.
Everybody would understand if you didn't.
- You're separated. - I know.
Just the idea of having a family party
in the backyard without Tony manning the grill, playing host...
It wouldn't be the same.
- It's gonna be OK, baby. - Why don't they take care of this man?
I think it's a very wise decision.
What decision? I haven't made one.
I thought I heard you say that you had.
That he wasn't coming.
Maserati.
- Kind of draws attention, no? - True.
Friends of ours, most of 'em probably wouldn't own it.
It was always a dream of mine to own a fine Italian sports car.
Salute.
And in the Guinea grey it looks fantastic.
Tops out 176 miles per hour.
Standing quarter in 13 and change.
- How many horses? - 390.
- What'd that set you back? About... - 99 and change.
You're spending like you're on the throne.
- I had a good year. - Oh, God bless.
While we're doing car talk here, Phil...
Madonna, he won't let that thing go.
He owed me money and he was ducking me.
I'm not saying you're wrong.
Phil treats nickels like manhole covers. Believe me, I know.
The loyal captains need to know I stand behind them.
Fucking Little Carmine.
This asshole's giving away washing machines. You believe that?
He don't have collision insurance, fucking Phil?
His son-in-law's a broker.
They let it lapse looking for a better rate.
Fucking idiot.
Tony, I ruled in your favour.
The racetrack, the money Philly owed you.
If I'm paying for it, we do it at Pussy's or not at all.
His wife's running the body shop now.
I can at least control expenses.
Thanks.
Come on. Get in. I'll take you for a ride.
Fucking thing's so powerful, I had to take a lesson from the dealer.
It's pretty low.
- How's Ginny like the car? - She loves it.
She hasn't driven with me. With her knee, she has a little trouble getting into the seat.
Tony, hi.
Hey, Ange.
- How are ya? - Good.
A friend of mine banged up his car pretty good
so I was thinking, maybe help us both out
and throw a little business your way.
You didn't need to come. Phone me.
The thing is, I gotta pay for the repairs.
Long story, I distracted him while he was driving.
Anyway, the point being that anything you can do to keep costs in line
would be a big help to me.
You look like you're doing pretty good since we had that phone call
where you asked me could you take over Puss's body shop.
Thank you for that, Tony.
You didn't have to say yes with all the other kind of business you do through here.
His name is Phil, and Carmela sends her love.
Please say hello!
Finally. I left a message I was gonna come by.
Well, I got in late.
The girl called in sick.
You should get a new one.
Have a seat.
May I get you anything?
How's your father?
Much better.
Oh, thanks.
He'll be fine for the party, thank God.
Well, that's good.
- What party? - His 75th birthday?
The surprise party we talked about last summer?
- Oh, yeah. That's coming up? - Next Saturday.
But actually that's why I wanted to come by.
I think maybe it would be best...
be easier anyway, for both of us, if...
if I went at it alone,
and not have you there.
My father would love to have you there.
He's crazy about your sausages and all the rest of it, but...
I thought, "Why put us and people in an uncomfortable situation?"
I decided right away when we broke up I wasn't coming.
Really?
I'm so glad you understand.
It was hard for me to come to this decision, let alone tell you.
Well, I'd like to contribute anyway.
No, Mom and I are taking care of it.
For Hugh's 75th? I insist.
I would rather see you go back to your therapist.
I'd like to see you go to a therapist! And I'm not the only one.
Oh, really?
You can tell them all I can't afford it.
It's not really your business any more whether I go or what!
I brought you some Danish and coffee.
Fucking medication.
I can't think. I can't stay awake.
It don't have that side effect.
But it'll help your outlook if you'd take it consistently like you're supposed to.
What's on?
It said in the guide it's an Italian movie,
but even with the captions I can't tell what's what.
They had Jesus hanging off a helicopter,
but you could tell it was a dummy.
You know who I saw at the bakery?
How the fuck could I know?
Rosalie Aprile. There's a surprise party for Carmela's father next week.
He's gonna be 75. You get an invite?
No, but we go way back to when Moses wore short pants.
I'd better call Hugh. Tell him not to expect me.
It's a surprise party, Jun'.
What are we, children?
At our age it's enough surprise we're still alive every morning.
- What cities and states, please? - In West Orange.
DeAngelis, Hugo.
The call can automatically be completed by pressing one
for an additional charge of 35 cents.
What the fuck? It's over anyhow.
Hello?
- Who is this? - Corrado Soprano.
Corrado. How are ya?
How am I? I'm a prisoner in my own home is how I am.
- What do we live for? - Yeah.
Anyhow, I wanted to wish you a buona fortuna,
and also send you my regrets.
- I'd love to be at your jubilee... - Junior.
- Jubilee? - But the government
says I can't leave the house,
and my family keeps me sedated.
Bobby told me it was a surprise party but I told him... I go,
"At our age it's enough surprise every day when we get up in the morning."
I suppose so.
So happy birthday, my friend, and many more.
To think, when I got out of the joint they thought an air bag was Paulie Walnuts.
- How'd we do this week? - Good.
The Acura dealer, what's his name, he took 20 units.
Carlo gave me the OK to make some personnel changes at the warehouse.
Your call.
I don't know. The air bag thing, it earns good.
It's not hard work, Christ knows, but...
But what?
I could be a lot more service in other areas. And getting straightened out wouldn't hurt.
Just eat what's on your plate right now.
- Christ, what's it been, a month? - I'm a team player, cousin. Charlie Hustle.
If that's what you want, I'll do it.
Look.
- If you need some money... - Get the fuck out of here.
All right. Let's go get a drink.
What should I get Hugh for his birthday?
I was thinking cigars but I figured you were probably gonna bring some.
Actually I decided not to go.
In light of the situation, I went, I saw Carm,
I told her I thought it'd be best if I sit it out.
Hi, Phil, Joe.
Where's your brother-in-law, doll?
I wouldn't know.
Hey, Philip, how the hell are you?
- How's the neck? - Where's the car?
We all passed a lotta water since the old days, huh?
I was away when all that shit went down with your brother.
What the fuck happened?
We don't like to talk about it.
Your car's in here, Phil.
It's all set.
What the fuck is this?
It was a front-end collision, Phil.
- This new paint isn't as brilliant. - It's factory paint, same as original.
It is different. It's duller.
Something's off with the seat.
What is it, Phil?
Feels off kilter. Try it, Joey.
You're right. It's off its axis.
It reclines strange too. Try it.
Nobody said anything about the seats.
This is unacceptable.
Come on, Joey. Give me a call when you get the job done.
A couple of days, Phil.
We did what was asked of us.
Call me when it's done right.
So, Dad, how does dinner at Vesuvio's sound for your birthday?
Just us. We'll come here first for the presents
and then we'll go over there.
Sure, sure. That sounds fine.
- Did somebody tell you something? - I know all about it.
- You can save the cloak and dagger. - AJ!
What?
- Junior Soprano told me all about it. - That miserable fucking man.
You don't know the half.
Relax. I'm fine with knowing.
At my age, it's surprise enough to be able to get out of bed every morning.
So who's coming to this shindig?
God damn him!
All of us, your brother Lester, Dr Fegoli.
Russ Fegoli? He's in town?
He retired from the Foreign Service.
But they were living out in Marin County or wherever.
Well, they settled on Jersey.
Octavia, the oldest, lives here.
Wait, who's Dr Faggo?
Fegoli. Feg.
She of the five-page Christmas card. And on Flag Day,
Papa Russ shook hands with Andrew Cuomo.
What an honour. B-F-D.
The Fegoli kids finished college.
That's what sticks in your craw.
When he got that medal, you two weren't even invited to the ceremony.
It was out in California!
They knew that your father doesn't like to be out of his element.
Now, here's someone we can all be proud of, Anthony.
Dr Fegoli served in the State Department.
In Rome, he was career assistant to the ambassador to the Vatican.
He got a medal from the Pope himself.
- Wow. - But when we were kids in the navy,
he had such a bad case of the crabs
we used to call him the Governor of Maryland.
Stop acting like a child.
Lighten up. He's old enough.
She's right, knock it off.
- Who else is coming? - Freddy Di Novi...
Tony'll love him.
Who else?
Dad, Tony isn't coming to the party.
Why?
Well, I felt that since we're separated,
we should get used to the idea of living separate lives.
That's a crock of shit.
Don't talk to her like that.
I've known the man for 20-something years! It's his house!
Tony is in agreement with me.
Because you put the screws to him.
- I'll cancel the party. - Go ahead.
I'm not coming if the man of the house isn't there.
Tony, it's Angie. We did all the repairs you said on Phil's car.
He came today and now he found a dent in the rear.
- His seat. There's a problem with that. - His seat?
I didn't wanna get into these extras without checking with you.
You wanna run a body shop, run a body shop.
You claimed your piece of the garage.
So you wanna be in business, do what you think the situation calls for.
I wanna put my kids through college.
That's a good thing, Ange.
Some women left alone like that would've given up.
Tony, before I outlay for these costs, I need to know...
Ange, I'm not there, what do I know? It's your call.
Tone. What's up?
Pussy's Body Shop is one of your stops, right?
They're fixing the fucking Shah of Iran's car. Be there when he picks it up.
Make sure he's happy, but don't let the shit spiral out of control.
- Right. I'll take care of it. - Thanks.
I'm on my way to Welsh Farms, get a triple blueberry sundae.
Good for you. Enjoy.
Hot summer night...
Go for it. You deserve it.
All right, yeah. I'll talk to you later.
- Opus. - Fine choice.
Angelo here spoke very highly of you,
how you handled yourself in Pennsylvania.
That's why I wanted to meet you.
We were like Frick and Frack in the can.
Angelo's my buddy.
He knew the Jackie Gleason stuff by heart. He acted all the parts.
Do a little bit for Rusty, the mambo thing.
Mambo? Oh, Carlos was teaching you the mambo!
That's a different story!
Get out! Get out!
So how's your re-entry been? You doing OK?
Yeah. Tony's been good with me.
- I always liked your cousin. - He's a real gentleman.
Angelo's looking out for you too.
I told Rusty that you might need a little earn.
Yeah, I could use a little cash injection, maybe a push up the pyramid.
You know, time served?
We need something done.
A nice little payday for you,
and an opportunity for you to hone that rep you left behind.
And this involves?
Somebody needs to go.
Anyone I know?
New York guy, not Jersey.
- Who is he with? - Friend of a friend.
Not a friend of ours.
A friend of Johnny's.
- You guys got to settle that shit. - It's not the boat.
It's not the boat.
It's Lorraine Calluzzo.
Rainey Calluzzo.
Little Carmine went to school with her.
They go back that far.
Kill a woman? Come on.
I can't sign on right now.
I wanna give my cousin the benefit of the doubt.
He don't want us involved in this problem over here anyway.
Why don't you think about it for a bit?
I don't know. I don't think so,
but thanks, guys.
We had a big talk over here the other day
and the consensus seems to want your presence at my father's party.
Well, that's nice but it's kinda short notice.
Look, it's for my father, not me.
I made plans to go fishing with Sil.
Well, he really wants you there. If you could make it, he would be very happy.
He's very fond of you.
The New York salsicc', hickory wood, whatever.
You're not using Artie?
I got him doing appetisers but he's really there as a guest.
I am cooking.
Tomorrow's gonna be a madhouse, just a living hell.
I don't know, I'll...
I'll see what I can do.
Thank you, Tony, I appreciate it.
Jerry said to refrigerate.
I think there is room in the garage.
I know you're shorthanded. I thought you might need some help.
It's my weekend with the boys. They'll stay out of the way.
Aunt Carmela is nice enough to let you guys enjoy her pool,
and you wanna destroy her property.
It's a beach chair! It can get wet.
Don't get smart! You wanna go home?
What can I do?
The dips. I forgot the dips.
I gotta duck out later. I could get some at Grand Union.
Grand Union closed ten years ago.
You know what? Frig the dip. They'll have to survive with salsa.
Can I make you a cocktail? I make a mean Rusty Nail.
Now? No.
Thanks again for letting the kids take a swim.
Any time, you know that.
Cheers.
They love being here.
This is truly a beautiful home.
What, are you here, five years now?
I asked you to get up at 11:00. We got a lot to do today.
You were supposed to send this for summer school.
Put it down!
- Greetings, birthday people. - You are here, which is great.
You can help with the setup.
Hi, Mrs Soprano.
This is our Uncle Tony. This is Meadow's friend Finn.
What are you doing?
I'm making Grandpa's favourite icebox cake.
- We have cake. - Why don't you take a swim? You're hot.
Do you have a towel?
I'll bring you a coffee too.
- I'll be outside. - Cake pan?
Meadow, I have a lot to do today.
Hello? I'm making dessert... to help.
- He seems like a nice guy. - Yep.
- Any luck with Kelly? - No.
I've been scouring the internet for any trace.
Here is your cake pan.
And you're gonna clean up your baking mess!
I can imagine how much you must miss her, your only daughter.
What was she, like 11, when she lived with you guys?
We had her 12th birthday party right before she moved out.
- How'd she do in school then? - Straight As.
My God. What is the matter with them?
Don't lift that by yourself, Hugh, wait for some help.
What are you doing here? You always do this!
- The party is not for hours! - He needs help.
What am I doing? Returning your port-a-vac.
- You said you needed it. - Happy birthday.
- Later for that. Get your uncle out here. - He left. He said he told you.
He asked us to watch the twins.
Here, help me with this.
My goodness. What a bother. Excuse us for living.
How you doing? I'm Tony.
Yeah, the other Tony's cousin, right?
It reclines perfectly, try it.
Fuck that. I don't feel like I'm sitting at 12 o'clock.
You're sitting at 12 o'clock.
- May I? - I don't give a fuck.
You can sit in there till fucking San Gennaro.
It'll still need to be dealt with. This car went through a major collision.
It seems OK.
How could it be OK if it's askew?
What's the matter? You got an eye problem?
You look like Stevie Wonder!
What'd I say? I didn't say nothing.
Replacing the seat will cost a fortune.
Give me a break, Phil. The seat is fine.
You have a problem with the grain on the leather. You think I'm stupid?
Don't take it out on me!
Come on, Joey.
How about this? Replace the tracks under the seat,
maybe throw in a CD player.
We already replaced the tracks.
- He's got a CD player. - Jesus God, Duke,
they're hosing us for a $2,000 factory seat!
Come on, Joey.
- Tony, nice to meet you. - Come on! You coming?
Joe, try to keep him cooled down.
Here you go, Freddy.
Get it, Jason! Come on!
My God.
- Ma, what? - Dr Fegoli... Russ.
- What? - He's allergic to tomatoes.
All right, so we will deal with it.
Jesus.
Don't you have any hors d'oeuvres without tomatoes?
The prosciutto-wrapped chèvre. Rosalie just took 'em out.
An Italian allergic to pomodori?
Dio mio. You have my sympathies.
It wasn't always like this.
It started when they gave me radiation for my prostate. Don't ask me why.
Did you know Monsignor Kelly? He was in charge of the tours at all the catacombs.
- I made you a plate, Russ. - Thank you, Mary.
You know, Carmela's mother-in-law Livia detested northern cooking.
- Really, why? - She skeeved the butter.
The father was like that, too. The whole Soprano bunch.
So many Neapolitans and Sicilians feel that way.
You really have to go to Italy to know and so many of them don't.
I ate like a champ up and down the boot the whole two weeks.
But those recipes that you used to send me from Tuscany, Lena.
My God, they were a revelation.
Bollito misto, osso bucco...
The lovely Carmela. Would you like to say a few words?
He's back, thank God. Will you get the guests arriving?
Where the hell is Tony?
Have a glass of wine, it'll calm you down.
He is bringing the charcoal and the sausage. Always the last minute.
- I heard that. - Finally.
- She's got no faith in me. - I wonder why?
Pins and needles, needles and pins.
Palumbo's - the birthday boy's favourite.
- Where is he? - He's out back.
Oh, good.
Honey, pace yourself.
Hey, there he is!
Hey, happy birthday to you
Got salsiccia for you
Russ, wait till you taste this. There's nothing else like it.
I want you to meet a couple of our oldest friends,
Dr Russ and Lena Fegoli.
Nice to meet you, sir.
My son-in-law... Well, whatever... Tony Soprano.
A doctor, huh? That's good. Somebody usually goes down at these.
He's just joking.
Unfortunately, my doctorate is in international affairs.
From Princeton.
- GI Bill. - So you're a doctor like...
Kissinger's a doctor.
Yes.
Russ had an audience with four popes.
- What section did you all sit in? - Idiot!
TB, make sure you shoot the food tables before they're pillaged.
Well, I'd love to stay and chat but I got a fire to start.
- Nice to meet you, Doc. - Nice to meet you.
Everybody! Could you gather around, please?
Everybody, everybody!
Come on over.
I would like to make a toast to the man of the hour,
a very special man,
a man who I love more than words could possibly say...
- My father. - Hear, hear!
You are the best father and grandfather in the world.
Speech, speech!
You are the greatest, my little Melly.
Thank you for everything.
Tony, thank you for having us at your home.
Mare, my lovely bride.
Still the prettiest girl in the world.
Thank you for putting up with me all these years.
Thank all you freeloaders for coming!
- Why don't you open up your gifts, Dad? - Not now, Carmela.
- It's very mercenary. - Well, good.
People spent money on them.
I'll break the ice.
Here.
- Open this one. - It's from him.
You're too much.
A Stratocaster?
A Beretta.
- It's a shotgun. - Shotgun?
This is... I don't know what to say.
It's a Giubileo 12-gauge. 28-inch barrel.
Nice to have money.
Get me another Rolling Rock, Jay.
What time did you start drinking today?
Probably right after you got up.
Coz!
Tony, can you bring the camera over here and get a shot of this?
Sure, I got nothing better to do.
I expect a freezer full of venison this year.
You got it, kid.
Beautiful piece. The over-under action,
the engraving, they're artisans.
And you know, I've been to the Beretta studio in Brescia.
No kidding. I'd love to see that.
You know, that company goes back to the 1500s.
Madonna!
Sure, the best pieces...
they never export, you see.
I want one and all here to know
what a wild man Hugo was in his day.
Remember what he did at the Bund meeting in Paterson?
- Threw that cherry bomb on those Krauts? - Yeah, tell that one.
You made my father's year with that gun.
He deserves it.
- You look beat. Take a break. - Nah, I'm all right.
- Could use a beer, though. - Well, you got it.
Thanks.
How's that look? Done?
You're the grill-meister.
Don't get me wrong, we have the greatest legal system in the world,
but it's becoming more and more discriminatory.
If you're a minority, or worse, an immigrant from an Arab country,
civil rights don't apply at all.
In no place is the breach of civil rights more evident than the penal system.
- Rehabilitation? Please. - Yeah.
That nature of the system instils the convict mentality
to the point where prison becomes the only venue where the convict can function.
My little bleeding heart.
She is wise beyond her years.
She better be,
all the money I'm spending over at Liberal University in sunny Harlem.
Come here.
- How you doing? - Good.
Remember when you were little what I called you?
You don't remember?
- You were too young to remember? - Stop!
How could you not remember?
You know Hugh built this house?
Your friend's maxing out the situation down at Puss's.
Sure.
Factory seat, 2K. I tried.
I'd hate to see Ange get stuck with that.
Then again, her friend is taking me to the cleaners with this divorce shit.
I gotta belt-tighten.
Can we get some able-bodied seamen over here?
Tony B?
What am I, a fucking slave?
- I didn't have a drop. - Goddamn you.
Lester'll drive. He's in the bathroom.
Watch your head.
Hey! Virginia Mayo.
Thank you for coming.
I'm sorry for everything. What can I say?
Get my boy home safe.
You're sorry? For what?
- No, no. I wanna hear. - Oh, please, Carmela.
The off-colour jokes, the sausage twirling...
These are cultured Italians.
Russ is a success, a diplomat.
This was a shock for them.
He's such a diplomat he insults his host?
You heard what he said to Tony. He's a pompous man.
- He always was. - Let's talk about this another time.
That's why you didn't want Tony here.
It had nothing to do with our situation.
All along, it was so that your cultured Italian friends,
who were born and raised on Arthur Avenue, I might add,
- wouldn't meet Tony the gavone. - He made us all look like gavones.
Whatever we are, I am proud of it, unlike you obviously.
I have always been proud of my heritage.
Bullshit. You told Aunt Rose you were glad DeAngelis didn't end in a vowel.
I never said that!
And when Meadow came out... "Oh my God, she's so dark."
You're drunk. I'm going home.
There are Italians all around with their closet self-loathing.
I just never wanted to believe my mother was one of them.
What the fuck are you crying about?
Your secret is out.
- Marco. - Polo.
Fish out of water! You're it, Tone!
- I'm taking a T-O. - Marco.
Here, let me get this.
No, I'm fine. You have fun.
No, no, really. Let me... I'll get it. I'll get it.
- Put me down! - You look like you could use a dip!
- Don't you... I'm serious! - One.
- AJ! - Two.
- Tony, don't! - Three!
- You bastards! - You're it, Carm.
- Idiots. - Don't let her get out.
You're still it!
- All right. Pleasant dreams, hammers. - Night, Dad.
- Good night, Grandma. - Good night.
- Grandma's not a maid. - I'll put 'em in the hamper.
- What's this? - I don't know.
- Yes, you do. - Shut up.
Am I talking to you, Justin?
I asked you a question, Jason.
Pins.
From the '96 Olympics in Atlanta, it looks like.
That's when you were stationed in Saudi Arabia, right, Dad?
Yes, that's right, but I'm talking to your brother.
You took this tonight, didn't you?
I borrowed it from AJ.
You stole this from your cousin who opens his house to you?
I found it on the floor way in back of AJ's closet.
He doesn't care. With all the stuff he has?
He got to go to the Olympics and everything.
I love where he lives. I don't wanna come back here.
My son steals from his own family.
You're gonna return it tomorrow and apologise.
Where are your Game Boys?
That's mine. Jason's is in the drawer.
I'm giving these to the Salvation Army.
- I didn't do nothing! - You're as bad as he is
cos you didn't stop him!
We should get going, AJ. I don't wanna drop you off too late.
Call me when you get to Patrick's.
Yeah, I'll try. He's in a bad cell area.
He'll try?
Just showing her he's not a kid.
I think he's showing her more than that.
That's inevitable.
It's scary is what that is.
He'll be fine.
- He's in love. - Oh, please.
You know what it's like at that age.
Can't wait to see each other.
Can't keep your hands off each other.
- What am I doing? - Tony, let's call it a night.
Why?
- You tired? - Yes.
Come on. Artie is right over there.
He's comatose.
This is nice, no?
Doesn't it feel nice?
I didn't say that.
No, Tony, don't.
So which type of torture instrument
are we going to use to pound this?
Hello?
Blundetto.
How can I help you?
I'm in.
You asleep?
Here you go, Joey.
It's bigger than last week's.
Hey, Crystal. The room is empty.
Come on, time is money.
Thanks. Phil will be very happy.
Send him and John my best, huh?
- Good night, Heather. - Good night, Muzz.
- You're off? - Yeah.
- I'm going downtown. - Me too.
Let's go.
See you next week, Joe.
Tony, right? What, you come here too?
English
...in the bottom of the eighth, a very tight game.
- A hot day... - It sure is today.
It certainly is, Roger.
Mets tying it up two to two in the sixth.
Man on second...
Want another super-nacho?
No, they been sittin' too long. The cheese is sweaty.
This guy in the joint, crazy Rasta fuck,
made grilled cheese on the radiator.
He'd put the bread between two sheets of paper.
Had a whole system.
What'd you do to your foot?
The other night in fuckin' Irvington
two black guys jumped me outside a bar.
With half of them locked up grilling cheese, you'd think there wouldn't be so many around.
- Should I melt another batch? - Nah. I'm good. I got dinner in the city.
So, Finn, you got any plans for the summer?
Goin' back to Mission Viejo to surf or whatever?
I'm hopin' to stay here in the city.
- How's summer school going? - It sucks.
I did summer school once. You can still have fun.
Casa Carmela? He's looking at maximum security summer.
Excuse me a minute.
Why don't you cut your mother a break?
She's holdin' this family together during this current situation and all.
- Can we get the check? - The young man took care of it.
- You paid the check? - I figured since you're always so generous,
I should reciprocate.
Lucky you don't get your head handed to you. Let's get this straight.
- You eat, I pay. - Mr Soprano...
No, when you have your own family, you pay.
Let's go.
Just take the money.
- I didn't mean to bite your head off in there. - I didn't mean to overstep.
I just wanted to say thank you.
You're a good guy. I respect you trying.
And then he fell asleep right after.
He did call me late the next morning.
And he sent flowers.
But other than that I haven't heard from him all week.
- What'd he say? - That it was nice, you know.
And it was nice. He was very sweet.
You think what happened at the party
is an overture Tony wants to get back together?
I don't know, maybe.
He's droppin' AJ off later.
This is the last thing I need to get into now.
Please, he never had it so good.
- That's him. - You two should talk. Let me just pee.
So, was your father in a rush now or something?
No, says he was tired.
And to give you this and a kiss on the cheek.
Thank God. The last thing I needed was to talk to him.
Know who loved golf? It was Joey Peeps.
May he rest in peace.
- It's sad when they go young like that. - When they go?
Come on.
It was Little Carmine behind it.
Payback for that whore of his... Lorraine Calluzzo.
You don't know that for sure, John.
Little Carmine knew how fond I was of this kid, Tony.
I picked him out of the chorus.
Schooled him when he was my driver.
Anything from your cop?
Some homeless fuck saw a guy limpin' away.
Then he wasn't sure.
I'll tell ya, I don't know how I'm gonna get through Joey's funeral.
And forget about Ginny.
Every Christmas Joey'd send her
a Grandma's of Maine coffee cake.
What's wrong? You all right?
- Is it his heart? - No.
It's this fucking weather, sudden changes.
Fucks up your respiratory system. Come on.
- I got you. - Get some electrolytes in him.
We got you. That's it.
Sit down. Good, good. That's it.
You're all right. You're all right.
The point I'm trying to illustrate is that
of course no one wants all-out conflict.
But historically, historical changes have come out of war.
As far as I'm concerned it's a new day.
Old treaties and ways of doing things are null and void.
- Exactly. - And the Joe Peeps thing?
Where does that leave us?
When you've had a quadruple bypass like I did,
it gives you a lot of time to think.
The only thing Johnny understands is force.
But the fact is, though, we pissed on a bees' nest.
What's the other option? Roll over?
We could've had a sit-down.
The other captains, maybe.
This isn't the UN, Angelo. I won't let what happened to my father happen to me.
God forgive me, but you may be a stronger man than your dad was.
The fundamental question is
will I be as effective as a boss like my dad was?
And I will be.
Even more so, but until I am,
it'll be hard to verify that I think I'll be more effective.
I just talked to my parents.
They offered me a ticket home. No economic relief.
What'd the lady at student placement say?
- I never went down there. - Why didn't you?
This economy, hello? I mean, even the crappiest McJobs aren't there.
I wouldn't want to take away a job a minority could have.
Just... It doesn't cool anything anyway. Leave it.
Don't open the window, the garbage reeks.
Why do we want to be in New York anyway?
It was supposed to be fun, remember?
Summer before the big push of grad school?
You could go out to Jersey, sleep in comfort.
Is that what you want?
No.
All I know is, I cannot go home and live with my parents.
I graduated.
I mean maybe I should go back out.
I can work as a PA for Josh's dad.
At least I'd earn some cash. You could come out for a week.
Wait, wait, wait. What?
He's a photographer. I told you, he does major magazine ads...
BMW, it's pretty cool stuff.
- Is that what you want? - No.
- But at least I'd have money. - Your thing with models.
- There's no models. - What?
It's interesting work.
As a career, actually, I mean...
Josh's dad saw my shots that won a prize in school.
Said they were "solidly unsentimental".
What are you talking about?
Just blow off dental school?
You haven't taken one photograph in a year.
You bitch every time I ask you
- to take a snap of me and my friends. - I'm just saying...
I gave up junior year abroad to be with you.
I know, and I wanna stay here.
I could come out West with you.
- But I have to blow off the law centre. - Is that what you want to do?
I don't know. Do you want me to come out?
- If you want to. - No, you need to say.
Maybe we should stay out there.
You could transfer to UCLA.
Fuck it.
It's roasting in here.
It's 10:30. We can go to a movie.
- What do you want to see? - I don't know, you say.
No, you.
Hello?
Mrs Soprano. Lee Nieman returning.
Oh, hi, great, thank you.
I gave your secretary the broad strokes.
You're in the middle of a separation, the attorney retired.
Right, Bob Greenberg.
At any rate, I'm thinking it's time I move forward with the divorce proceedings.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut you short.
- As far as handling it, I have to recuse myself. - What do you mean?
Actually, your husband had been in to see me for a consultation last year.
My husband hired you?
No, but based on a prior meeting, the code of professional responsibility
precludes me from representing you because of that consultation.
He met with Greenberg, and he wanted to represent me.
Mr Greenberg would've found himself in a bit of ethical soup had he moved forward.
I don't understand this. Why is my husband so picky?
He talked to several top divorce attorneys in New Jersey.
You can probably figure that manoeuvre out for yourself.
Jesus Christ.
I understand your frustration. I can recommend a colleague.
Someone your husband hasn't contaminated.
Well, yeah, OK.
Accordin' to Johnny Sack, the kid's brains were splattered over the seat.
Joe Peeps?
Couldn't have been too much to clean up.
I heard the hooker he was with got it in the chest.
Must have been silicone everywhere, too.
Why you always try and top me?
You took the air outta my fuckin' punch line.
Anyway, Joey Peeps' mom's a widow,
she's in a wheelchair.
Johnny's takin' care of the interment, that shit there.
So I'm thinkin' we should pick up the headstone.
- Jason, get into it. - I'll call the marble guy.
- What's up, guys? - Frank.
- Frankie. - Talk to you outside?
Gimme two.
What's up?
Turns out somebody got a look at the guy that did Joe Peeps.
All they got so far is he's got a bad limp.
Long John Silver, maybe.
Where the fuck do you get the balls?
I am bendin' over backwards tryin' to stay neutral, payin' for fuckin' car seats.
And you're out there actin' like a fuckin' free agent!
Don't look at me like I'm a jerkoff.
I'm sick of you leanin' on this cousin thing and that bad hijack,
like you can do whatever the fuck it is you want
cos you went away that night and I didn't!
You keep bringin' that up. I'm fine with it.
First of all, I had nothin' to do with this.
- Don't fuckin' lie to me! - If I was, would you really wanna know?
That'd just be another problem for you with Johnny, right?
I know you're not earning what you expected. And you got the twins, and Nancy.
You're a capable guy.
Your mother let it slip one time. You got an IQ of 158.
- She told you that? - The week you got tested.
All the nuns were raving about it.
Lot of good it did me.
I had high hopes when you got out.
Yeah?
Look, a guy like you... brains, balls...
if you'd fucking be straight with me I could use all that.
Put me in, coach.
All right, we got the casino on Bloomfield Avenue above the hardware store.
Carlo's guy was running it, but he just got diagnosed with Hodgkin's.
- That's mine? - Yeah.
A lot of fucking money there.
I'll see what I can do about getting you straightened out,
opening up the books for you.
It's long overdue.
So I solved a major problem business-wise.
Put a very good piece of manpower to work.
My cousin Tony.
You mentioned how close you two are.
When we were kids they called me Tony Uncle Johnny and him Tony Uncle Al.
Right, yes. You told me all that.
Anyway, a very smart guy. He's got an IQ of 158.
Do you put a lot of stock into that number?
Why, are you gonna tell me it's bullshit?
Cos I took that test and somebody gets a 158,
well, they know a few things.
So we can assume you think he's smarter than you.
Honestly, I think he's smarter than you
the way you keep shitting on the test.
But I'm no gabadotz myself. This was a good move.
Carmela and I slept together.
- What was that like? - It was nice.
It was very... erotic.
She was wearing that perfume that she wears.
Poor thing was starved for it, honestly.
I'm the only man she's ever been with.
Did you discuss it?
Nah, I left before she woke up.
How come?
If she woke up and I was there it would send mixed signals, you know.
I'm not sure that's the best...
Yeah.
No. Tell him I got fax machines coming out of my ass.
And would you characterise the separation thus far as amicable?
It's barely civil.
Yeah, there are moments when old habits kick in. And feelings.
But he is not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Fair enough. As for the assets...
you've given me your tax returns and investments?
The house is in my name. Not the boat.
- That's the Stugots, is it? - Yes.
I'm a little concerned that the returns don't reflect everything.
There is other income, there's a lot more.
- Unreported income? - Yes.
And this other income, is it from an illegal stream?
No, of course not.
But he does deal in cash, my husband. The carting business.
- I see. - Is that a problem?
I handled a case once where the husband owned vending machines.
I used a forensic accountant to reconstruct his finances.
In less than a week, he outlined 11 years of income.
And we're talking coins.
Hey, you. Busy day?
I dropped off an application at the Cineplex on Broadway.
Stopped by my dad's.
He got you a job working construction.
Construction? That's awesome.
It's in Jersey, though. You'll have to take the PATH train.
Fine, no problem.
But the most I ever did, though, is help my dad paint.
He said you don't need experience. You'll be a labourer or something.
- Pays like 20 bucks an hour. - Holy shit.
How is that even possible?
You believe these fucking Blue Jays?
Last inning I screamed so loud my wife thought I had a heart attack.
Why, what happened?
Burrell got shelled. It was beautiful.
- What are you, a Met fan? - Padres.
- Padres? - I'm from California.
I gotta go make my collections.
Stick with the Angels. The Pads haven't had a team in 20 years.
What do you mean? They were in the Series in '98.
Yanks in four, I was there.
Hey, Shaggy, grab a bucket and some Lysol. Scrub off my tyres.
There's fuckin' dogshit by the entrance.
I'm supposed to be picking up scrap.
You'll be pickin' up your teeth in another second.
DeTrolio, you need somethin' to do?
Get fuckin' lost!
Come on, guys.
Go! Before it sets in the treads!
My checks come in yet?
I don't know. I didn't see the girl.
If she ain't got them, send Meadow's friend when he's done with your car.
Who Meadow? What are you talking about?
Meadow Soprano. That's her boyfriend.
There he is.
I can't find any Lysol.
Don't worry about it. Why didn't you tell me you were datin' my niece?
Here.
You take her someplace nice.
Tell her it's from Uncle Paulie.
Thank you, I... That's really nice.
Here. Gimme that shit.
Paulie! Come here.
Get the hose.
Sorry I'm late.
- You been waiting long? - Not really.
So, to what do I owe this pleasure?
Well, I don't know if you're gonna see it that way.
I have asked you to lunch to tell you I'm filing for divorce.
I hope you brought your appetite.
Why don't you give us a minute?
That's nice.
Invite me to a...
public place so you could ambush me.
- Do you think I won't make a scene? - Spare me your outrage, Tony.
Accept that I am moving on with my life.
Moving on?
That's what you were doing after the party?
You and I both know that didn't change anything.
We're Italian, we don't believe in divorce.
We believe in the nuclear family.
Will you listen to yourself?
And despite your best efforts,
I have an attorney who is going to aggressively pursue my custody of AJ
and also an equitable distribution of our assets.
Our assets?
I am through trying to get you to provide beyond the minimum I need to live.
So it's fucking money. That's all this is to you?
After all we've been through, is it so hard to own up to anything
beyond that bullshit tax return?
Go stand over there. I'll call you when I'm ready.
You want money?
My 40 grand you stole out of the bird feeder?
It should be plenty. You're an investment genius.
You want this to get ugly? These guys live for that.
You think I don't?
The only reason you have anything is because of my sweat.
And you knew every step of the way exactly how it works.
But you walk around that fucking mansion
in your $500 shoes and your diamond rings
and you act like butter wouldn't melt in your mouth.
And you don't want it to get ugly? Too late.
I want what I am entitled to.
You're entitled to shit.
She's ready to order.
I guess we get along.
We're just different, you know.
She zigs, I zag. That kind of thing.
- What's her dad like? He's always flirting. - He's OK. A little intense sometimes.
The main thing's that he's a good person.
- So, you guys gonna get married or what? - Living together's the same thing.
I lived with a guy once and trust me,
it's not even close to being the same thing.
- What do you mean? Why? - Cos.
You could just pack up and leave whenever the shit hits the fan.
Talk to married people.
That ring, believe it or not,
it's got this kind of, like, weird power.
So, what happened with you and this guy?
- Phineas, my boy! - Hey.
It's actually just Finn.
So, the Cubbies gave your boys a shellacking last night.
- It's still early. - That's true.
You know who he looks like? That guy from Aerosmith, Joe Perry.
- Your boss inside? - Yeah.
All right. I'll see youse around.
All right.
He seems like a nice guy.
Yeah. They all are, pretty much.
So you dating anybody now?
It's cute.
It's a lot of money for not much shirt.
- Relax, I'll put it on my own card. - Damn right you will.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Ask your father. He stopped paying my bills.
Daddy? You guys looked pretty chummy in the pool that night.
He went home with Artie. They helped me clean up.
I have decided to move ahead with the divorce.
- What are you gonna do? - About what?
- Life, I don't know. - What can I do?
Haven't you thought beyond being dependent on a man?
It's so simple for you.
Simple for people who don't expect things to be handed to them.
Even Finn got a job working construction.
Good for Finn, then.
There are options in life.
Isn't that what you always told me?
You have options. I have a lawyer.
Phineas!
He was just asking. How come a dentist?
What's wrong with being a regular doctor?
I saw this thing on shark teeth as a kid.
Hey, Phil.
Glad you're not exerting yourself in the heat.
Course. Now he comes.
Soon as the Jersey tomatoes are in season, you can't keep these New York guys away.
Fuck the tomatoes, I'll take the escarole. You know my brother Billy?
- Yeah, what do you say, Bill? - How you doing?
- Hey, Felicia? - What?
- Those cases of toner come in yet? - Yeah, it's in the trailer.
I'm gonna gas up. I'll be right back.
Toner cartridges now? They're not skimming enough from this job?
Brother sells them out of his trunk.
- Jesus. - So, Patsy, the necklace.
- How'd it go with the goomah? - Beautiful.
With the little emeralds? She fucking loved it.
First he gave her the emeralds, then he gave her the pearls.
I got Ebel watches, too.
Earrings, whatever you need.
My girl's birthday's coming up.
- Some rack on that girl. - Yeah, if you can get past the sideburns.
You should talk. That skank I saw you with?
This girl's fucking moustache... must've been like kissing a fireman.
Well, you ought to know, sweetie.
- What'd you say? - Nothing, what? We're just breaking balls.
Finn, what time's that game tonight?
- 8:00, I think. - I'm gonna take a piss.
Do me a favour. Hold this.
I knew that was coming!
- My eye! - Your eye?
I'm sorry. I meant to hit you in the fucking mouth!
Gene, Gene, relax.
- You OK? - All right.
Come on.
You made your point.
- Felicia, call an ambulance. - Use your own phone, I'm busy.
You been sick all day. Take the day off.
What about him? One of these civilians calls the cops?
What? I think I seen a couple of niggers running that way.
Yeah, those two guys.
Need to rest? You want some water? You sure?
Eugene Pontecorvo?
He's so sweet.
Sweet? He was like an animal.
Are you gonna eat?
I'm not hungry. It's too hot anyway.
I told you I was making dinner tonight.
It's really good chilli.
You should've seen these guys.
They were laughing. It was fucking sick.
- Is this what you grew up with? - What are you talking about?
- These people, your dad's friends. - I never saw one bit of violence growing up.
What about your dad's road rage?
Didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend who was killed? Shot to death?
First of all, he was killed by drug dealers.
African-Americans, if that makes you feel better.
You know you talk about these guys like it's an anthropology class.
But they bring certain modes of conflict resolution
from all the way back in the old country.
From the poverty of the Mezzogiorno,
where all higher authority was corrupt.
For the Lord Jesus Christ will change our mortal bodies
to be like his in glory. For he is risen.
The first-born from the dead.
In sure and certain hope of the resurrection
unto eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ,
we commend to Almighty God our brother Joseph,
and we commit his body to its resting place.
"Peeps"? It's a fucking nickname.
Family name is Peparelli.
They're gonna redo it.
Fucking Jason... he's dyslexic.
What's that got to do with it?
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
the Lord bless him and keep him.
The Lord make his face to shine upon him.
The Lord lift up his countenance upon him and give him peace.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
- Amen. - Amen.
Amen.
John.
I'm sorry about the stone. It was a mistake. We'll fix it.
You remember Micky Farrell?
Dock worker, used to run Port Newark?
Guess who he saw on the Upper West Side the other night.
- Your cousin Tony. - So what does that mean?
- The night Joey bought it? - You flip your Maserati, hit your head?
- You two-faced fuck! - Take it easy.
You want to yell at somebody, the man you should be talking to is there.
That fucking cocksucker.
I should fucking kill him and his fucking wife
and your cousin next.
Come on, let's take a walk. Calm down, come on.
The fucking gall on that man!
His father must be spinning.
You want my advice?
You go out there, you shake his hand
and you put this fucking shit to bed.
Shake his hand?
- And he kisses the kid's mother? - That's the way it works, you know that.
Sure, that's why your cousin's here!
You are sincerely mistaken if you think me or my cousin
had anything to do with this shit.
- He was spotted three blocks away. - By Micky Farrell!
You're gonna believe some drunken Irish fuckin' prick over me?
Have a drink.
- I don't want a fuckin' drink. - Have one anyway.
So how's your daughter doing?
Good.
All right, maybe I'm wrong,
but you haven't been yourself since the old man died.
Lorraine Calluzzo.
Then you sink this idiot's boat.
That's not the Johnny Sack I know.
I'm waiting for your explanation, Tony.
My cousin could not have been in the city that night cos he was with me.
We were looking for his daughter, John.
Cos she fuckin' disappeared.
We were Upstate, Monticello.
We'd heard Kelly had been living with some fucking crackhead up there.
Matter of fact, we were gonna reach out to you,
see if you could get some of your people on it.
I swear on my mother, Tony, if I find out you're lying...
I'm sitting here humbling myself out of friendship to you.
There he is... "Three out of four dentists surveyed."
- How you doing? - Where you going? Come here.
OK, settle this...
If they fought today, both in their prime,
Ali or Tyson?
If you were laying a bet.
Jeez...
I really don't know.
He don't know. It's an opinion.
Honestly, after the other day, I don't wanna say the wrong thing.
You see? This kid's all right.
I should get back. Ramos'll be on my ass.
Would you forget about Ramos, for Christ's sakes? I talked to him.
Have a seat. We got the good doughnuts today.
I'm exhausted. I hardly slept at all last night.
So take a nap. What are you worried about?
You got any idea the money in that casino?
And to give it to Tony B?
Guy's back on the street two minutes, gets a fucking promotion.
Did you even go to the store?
They're in the freezer like you like.
- Now he's talking about getting a maid. - Really?
Guy gets out of jail, suddenly I'm dogshit in Tony's eye.
- Chrissy... - It's true!
Ever since I cleaned up, no matter what he says,
Tony don't believe a person can change.
This asshole went to a shrink.
Maybe he thinks you're working too hard. North Carolina plus other stuff.
I can multitask, Adriana. I'm not a fucking retard.
It's always some shit with him.
Side deals, secret promises.
He's always got an agenda.
What happened to not sweating the small stuff?
All I know is I used to be number one cousin.
Now I'm being eased aside.
Your whole attitude in general.
And while we're at it, remember what we said
about interrupting while I'm on the telephone.
OK, Mom.
- Hello? - It's me.
Hi, what's up?
Dale just told us he figured out the rest of his life.
- You still thinking CIA? - Yeah, fight terror.
Nah, I'm gonna go to film school.
Me too.
- I got to motor. - You don't have to work for like three hours.
He has to sleep a little.
I'll get a ride with Alex.
At this point it doesn't pay to go home.
Maybe I'll just crash at work.
Felicia told me where there's a key to the trailer.
Felicia told him.
- Be careful driving. - All right. I'll see you tonight.
- Later. - Bye.
You sound like a racehorse pissing in there.
How's it going?
- I never asked you what your last name is. - It's DeTrolio.
Finn DeTrolio, my arch-nemesis.
- You enjoying yourself here? - It's all right.
I keep telling you you shouldn't work so hard.
Long hours. This fucking heat.
Plus you came in so early today.
I just do what the job is.
Good.
You're strong. That helps.
You know you can call me Vito?
Yeah, I know.
So say it.
Let me hear you say, "What's up, Vito?"
- What's up, Vito? - Not much, Finn.
Except I got a little surprise for you.
Two tickets to see your Padres take a beating from the Yanks tonight.
- Shit. - Third baseline. Plus, it's bat night.
That's really nice, Vito, but I...
- I'm... don't know if I can... - Don't pull that "aw shucks" shit with me.
You're fuckin' going.
I'll see you under the bat tonight. Seven sharp.
And I don't like to miss the national anthem.
So you're just not gonna show up?
You love baseball. What is wrong with you?
I don't like the guy, all right?
Right. I get it.
Dr DeTrolio can't hang with the common folk.
He came on to me, all right?
- Either that or he wants to kill me. - What?
I saw him blowing some security guard in the parking lot.
- When? What are you talking about? - This morning I showed up early.
I didn't wanna say anything but... I'm really afraid of this guy.
Vito Spatafore is a married man, Finn.
I seriously doubt he wants to kill you.
Maybe he wants to fuck me and then kill me.
Wait. Is that why you got out the suitcase?
I am not going back to the site.
Do you have any idea the strings my father pulled
to get you that job? And you just fucking quit?
I'm gonna hear so much bullshit!
So it's all about you, right?
Is that all you can say whenever it's anything to do with my feelings?
- You're going back to Mission Viejo? - I didn't say that.
Why don't you just admit it?
This whole thing... the fight, the stuff with Vito,
it's about you not wanting to commit.
I'm here! We fucking live together!
- But you got out a suitcase! - It's my process, OK?
Look, you never can tell.
Your process?
About anything, the future. I was thinking out loud.
Well, not out loud, but in the action of getting out the suitcase I was thinking.
Thinking of leaving!
No. Well, yes.
But, I'm still here. I didn't go.
Fuck you!
Right, great. Fuck me.
There was no abundant intentionality in me getting out the suitcase.
I can leave too, you know. My friend Hunter's in Montreal.
Do I know? With the French roommate guy
who was all over your ass when we visited.
You don't think you keep mentioning him every 24 hours at a minimum?
Because he's thinking of becoming an oral surgeon.
And you might have had a new friend
if you hadn't been so obnoxious to him at the club!
Can we just stop fighting?
You got out a suitcase!
I'll put it back, OK?
Now batting for the Padres...
So it's not about us,
but suddenly you're talking about options.
Don't paraphrase what I said.
I said this point in our lives is a transition period
forced on us by external events.
School is over for me.
And next year for you.
These are difficult choices. You'd rather not have choices? Thank God for choices.
Stop your bullshit! It's really simple.
- Are we going to stay together or not? - If you want.
- That's not what I asked! - I said I did.
You said, how are we going to keep it together
through four years of dental school for you and med school for me?
Well, it's a good question.
But why ask it now? Tonight of all times?
- Are you asleep? - No.
You were! And now you were gonna lie like you did about the suitcase.
I did not lie about the suitcase.
Then what do you call it?
I don't know, I explained it.
You should quit the law centre.
You're like a prosecutor at four am. I can't think.
How can you sleep in the middle of this?
In the middle of what?
I said I didn't wanna go back to the job site
and maybe I should go home until this thing with Vito blows over.
But you didn't ask me to come!
You went to the closet and got out your suitcase!
Jesus Christ!
Look, just stop crying, OK?
Why don't we just get married?
Married?
Let's get engaged.
Really?
Why are you saying that now?
I can't think, it's too late. It's just something I feel very strongly.
I was wondering when I'd hear from you. I never got your statement.
Well, actually that's why I called.
- We hit a bit of a snag. - What kind of snag?
Well, I put a call in to Phil Canter a few days ago, the forensic accountant.
- The one with the vending machines. - I didn't hear from him.
Suddenly he called and said he wasn't interested.
So I called another accountant.
And?
Frankly, when he heard your husband was the defendant, he demurred as well.
What does this mean? You don't want the case?
Well, as my partners reminded me,
I do have a full caseload already.
I probably should have mentioned...
And you were feeling so positive.
I woke up this morning, the depression just washed over me.
You are dissolving a 20-year marriage.
It's not my fuckin' goddamn marriage, OK?
I had another panic attack.
And I thought I had this shit beat!
What happened?
Playing golf with a friend of mine and he was...
talking about this young guy he knew who passed away.
I guess I became overcome with emotion
cos they had to help me off the tee.
It's not the first time it's happened recently.
I wish you had told me.
Yeah, well, I wish you'd cured it.
When the attacks first reappeared,
what was going on in your life?
You had just rebuffed my affections.
When you passed out were you thinking about me, or...
I walked into my house and the cleaning girl
was crying on the phone about her cousin
who went off the road in a Mexican bus wreck or something.
And I remember just feeling inside
like I wanted to choke her cos it was always something with her.
Next thing I know, boom!
When did it next happen?
My cousin Tony was up at the house.
He wanted to borrow some tools and they weren't there.
I was inside talking to Carmela
and started to feel that... you know. And it passed.
Your cousin was at your house?
Yeah.
Tony Uncle whatever.
Uncle Al.
And your maid was crying about her cousin.
And the other day at the golf course...
my cousin entered into that, too.
- In what way? - He hurt his foot.
You were so concerned about your cousin's foot
you collapsed on the golf course?
I worry about him.
He's a grown man, isn't he?
Is he in danger of losing the foot, or...
Fuck his foot! It's not his foot! Forget the foot!
I worry about him. He's...
right out of fucking jail, OK?
All right, look.
The reason he went to prison
is he got pinched hijacking a truckload of Betamaxes in '86.
They hooked him up on a RICO and he got 17 years.
I was supposed to be there the night of the jacking.
- I see. - You see.
Why didn't you go?
I was jumped by a bunch of moolinyans.
They were trying to take my shoes. I fought them off, but they cut my fuckin' head open,
the jigaboo cocksucking motherfuckers.
OK, forget that.
Your cousin went to prison.
That's tremendous guilt to carry.
He went to Nam, I was 4F.
And that's the way our friends look at it.
And that's why you favour Tony Uncle Al...
And those 17 years, I did so good.
He lost his wife, his daughter.
No wonder you're having anxiety attacks.
Yeah.
Maybe if you came clean with him?
Yeah, well... yeah.
- You OK? - Yeah.
Go on... go on... go on with what you were saying.
- Are you having an attack now? - No.
I had a huge lunch, that's all. It's gas.
What is it, Anthony?
The night he got pinched I had a fuckin' panic attack.
From my mother, goddamn it!
- I didn't even know what it was then! - Just relax.
Focus on your breathing.
- Slowly. - It's not that, I just...
I just need some Beano or something.
No, just please, focus.
I've got my medical bag in case.
Black guys, my ass.
I had a fight with my mother and I had a fuckin' panic attack!
OK, forget that for now.
Carmela was supposed to come over with some fuckin' yarn
for some bootees my mother was making Meadow.
She was late.
What the fuck. Why go into it?
Close your eyes.
Focus on your breathing.
- You want some water? - She was carrying on.
I said to her... I said, "Carmela loves you.
"You gotta understand it, she's got a three-month-old."
But she kept fucking... she kept going
and I started screaming at her.
So I left. I walked out the door.
I went over to the car, I opened the door, boom!
Cut my fucking head open.
- And your cousin doesn't know this? - No, I lied! What am I gonna tell him?
What am I gonna tell all of them?
I had a fight with my mother and I fainted?
That's why I missed the job.
Jesus fuckin' Christ!
That's a lot to get off your chest.
I thought I was smart and that's why I bumped him up and protect him.
Turns out I'm just a fuckin' robot to my own pussy-ass weakness.
He's also a capable person.
You OK?
Sometimes what happens in here is like taking a shit.
Yes, OK.
Although I prefer to think of it more like childbirth.
Trust me. It's like taking a shit.
- Hello? - Mom? I'm engaged.
- What? - Finn proposed.
- We're getting married. - Are you sure?
That's wonderful, honey. I'm just so surprised!
I... He's gonna finish dental school, though, right?
We're both finishing school. We won't marry till we have our degrees.
This is so exciting.
I can't wait for you to meet his parents.
We'll have to have a party.
He's using his graduation present to buy me a ring.
That is so sweet.
I told him he shouldn't.
- God, I'm gonna cry. - Yeah.
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